Death, life, Heaven, Hell, What the??????

so I recently (last night) got sucked into a conversation where I was told that when I die I am going to Hell... do not pass go, do not collect 200$. I mean am I a horrible person??? have I done something unforgivable??? Well the answer to that is YES. Where I have the issue, is that what I once was I no longer am.... I spent the whole night tossing and turning wondering if I'm really and truly going to now rot in Hell. I do so much that is good, I take care of people, I always try to do the extras I make sure that the people I love know it and not just with words so ...... Hell????? Really???? I'm just having a really hard time understanding it. I can tell you it does not feel right and I don't wanna. I don't wanna be all alone in the fires of Hell while everyone I have ever known and loved frolics in Heaven.... Will they even notice that I'm not there? will I just cease to be anything???? this scares the shit out of me.. and I have been fighting off the tears for the whole day...
The premise is this: If you have an abortion, you have taken a life (aggreed btw) and in the Catholic church, I have broken a mortal sin and am no longer eligible to go to heaven. People in on this discussion said they would not want ot be in the same room with me, would never want to be near me and have me near their families. I left the discussion ready to slit my wrists. I could not even imagine what the point of going on would be when no matter what I do, how good at heart I am or anything I will rot in the bowels of hell.... and I feel at this point I am at a crossroads... I don't even know what to say or do about this. Worst of it to me is the whole discussion was brought about by my friends husband (I work with her too) and I'm not really quite sure what to say or do. I have, at times in my life, embraced Death, run from Death, coveted Death but now I find that I FEAR it in a way I never thought possible. I have always understood that some day it will happen; but, Now I don't even want to sleep at night for fear It might happen today.... I don't know how ot live in Fear... I really need to think about this

weary

I have never been so tired. I have partied like a rockstar for days ans still managed to get up for work the next morning... right now I am so tired I cannot even think for myself.. I am working 60+ hours a week and I really love what I do.. but at this time I believe my job is defining me instead of the other way around..
I try day in day out to remain positive and always truthful but honestly i am just weary

Rawr!

Is it arrogance to be proud of yourself?
I feel like I have done something fantastic this week and all I really did was go to work and bust my butt all week..... Not only has the Arthritis been powerful painful this week I also caught the company sinus,chest, throat thing, and the infection moved to the lymph nodes and caused swelling and lots of pain. AND I DID IT!!!!!!!!! I powered thru, I kept going I crossed the finish line and made it all the way to the end of the week. No days off, not too much whining (depending on who you ask) and thru month end, without my office mate, all by my lonesome.
Meanwhile, doing the Mom gig, the wife gig (yes he got sick too, and took a day off cause he was just so ill)
As sick as I am, as crappy as this week had felt, as many times as I have just wanted to gived up and go lay down somewhere....... I made it!!!!! I AM WOMAN HEAR ME RAWR!!!!!!!!!!!

Pain

living with you sucks the life out of me. I cannot imagine why I have to travel this journey with you.
I thought you were long gone and just a foul memory
you cost me in terms of my soul, you bleed me dry of happiness.
You make the most beautiful sunny warm day lifeless and grey
you make me mean and nasty, ugly and vicious and I am willing to do anything to make you go away.
PAIN
All the doctors over and over again, all the medicines each one with worse side effects than the last... And no doctor willing to do anything more then send me on to the next... and no one going to help me.